This is a quickie. The good kinda quickie too… without the emotional mess that’s usually involved.
Have you ever had your heart broken… and as much as you tried to move on, you just could not get the image of your beautiful ex from slithering around your vulnerable mind?
I have a simple solution: Replace him with a stick person.
I’m not even kidding. (It also shows you how my mind operates at times of emotional distress.)
You see this ultra toned, human deliciousness in pants? Well, he’s the emotionally unavailable creature who swept you off your feet… then swept you under the rug & vanished into thin air, just as you started falling for him. Yummy, huh?
… because he proved himself to be the ruler of Douchebagland and doesn’t have a single ounce of decency or compassion running through his veins, he’s been transformed into:
That’s right. He no longer wears pants… but that’s ok because he no longer has a penis either. You know why? Because he’s not a man. Go ahead – download the peen-less photo of your ex who is void of all human emotions. And whenever you begin to miss him, take out this photo and think about how embarrassing it would be to bring him to a family gathering… because he wears no pants.
And clearly, he never worked out his legs. Look at those flimsy branches… what a poser.
Plus he has no peen.
This hottie McHotterson who sweet talked and promised you the world – before he ran off with his new flavor of the month… #nomnom
… well because he revealed himself as a lying scum hole in disguise with no respect for the goddess that you are… he has been reduced to:
Sexy man’s missing his towel. Why? Because the universe decided a towel is not needed when there’s no wee wee to cover up anyway.
Don’t you forget that a man of quality cannot be “stolen” by another chick. A man like that is nothing but a male slut… and ain’t nobody got time for that. Especially YOU. So whenever your family & friends ask why you can’t get over your ex, show them this pic. I guarantee they’ll look at you like you’ve lost your mind and their reaction will help snap you back into reality.
And look… some of his parts don’t even appear to be attached properly.
See how absolutely redic it is to allow these losers to keep contaminating your mind? The wrapping may be hot & sexy, but the box is filled with rodent waste. Don’t you want a man with substance… who’s not riddled with venereal disease?
You deserve the BEST of the BEST who will treat you like a queen with all the love, admiration, and respect you deserve. Throw these filthy jerks out of your mind because… how DARE they walk around without pants…
… and not even have a penis.
P.S. Lemme know what you think!
Carmen is a mom, life strategist, religion teacher, best selling author, advice columnist, foodie wannabe, and advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse. She is currently living la vida loca in Vegas with her not-so-little human… prepping him for med school while pseudo-adulting, Tahitian dancing, and exploring the delicious world of bubble tea *woo!*